This Honest Listing For 'Literally The Worst House On The Street' Is A Master Class In Real Estate Comedy
Real estate agent Philippa Main was faced with a dilemma when she was enlisted to help sell the property located at 37913 Avoca Avenue in Zephyrhills, Florida, a residence with some noticeable problems.
A lesser agent would have tried to embellish the house's foibles, but Main decided the best course of action was to turn lemons into lemonade with a spectacularly candid description.
Main, who studied public relations at Florida State University, gave it her best shot, and here's her hilariously florid prose for the property listing:
Here it is, literally the worst house on the street! The Seller has done the hard work of cleaning up the almost half-acre property (it only took 7 dumpsters!), so now is your chance to take it from here. Have you ever watched HGTV and thought, "I could do that!"? If so, pack up your tape measure and start Googling how to identify a load-bearing wall because it's time to put your money where your mouth is! The roof leaks, the floor creaks, and there's a terrible draft, but this 3 bed, 1.5 bath home is very open concept. And by that we mean the inside is open to the outside because several of the windows are broken. There is a large, sunny window in the kitchen… and absolutely nothing else – a wonderful feature for someone interested in a bright reading space (and ordering take out for every meal). Now I know you've heard of a detached garage, but have you ever heard of a detached foundation?! Because that's what you'll find here in the large bonus room at the right of the home. And if you're looking for a house that screams "I've got bizarre and ominous energy!" then honey stop the car because you've found it right here conveniently located off of US-301 in North Zephyrhills. If you need a place to stage your next post-apocalyptic zombie movie, this is it (the covered porch has really good "rest here on your way to the safe zone" vibes). And whether you like to turn up the heat or keep it cool, it won't matter here because there is no HVAC system. Oh and don't forget about the brick chimney that perfectly epitomizes how we all feel after 2020 – about to collapse and going nowhere (literally, there is no fireplace inside the house). What else can be say about this one-of-a-kind opportunity? It's not in a flood zone and will be conveyed with clear title! But we don't have a survey and the Seller has never seen the property, so buyers are strongly encouraged to do their own due diligence. And if you're not interested in crying yourself to sleep every night while you rehab this home, might we suggest tearing it down and building a brand new one in its place? The neighbors would likely thank you.
"I always try to be as interesting as possible," Main told Digg in an email. "But most sellers want me to stick to the more traditional kind of description, so the creativity can only go so far for my typical clients."
Here are some photos of the property:
[See the full listing at YourMainAgent.com]
